I missed you!

Where are you?

It's been a while since we had our last conversation. I dunno why  I am writing this after 40 days of hearing you're missing. I'm still hoping you'll find your way back to us. 
I know you told me (in my dreams) not to look for you nor wait for you anymore, neither to even think about you, but I can't help it. I've been longing to see you safe and sound, happy, kicking, wild, alive and free. I miss you. 


I remember writing something about you (for the first time-Mai's First Boyfriend (Due To Insistent Public Demand)) in my blog. It was really fun reminiscing all the memories  I had of you. Our first meeting (not the first time I saw you), the first time you came to visit me in our house, that time you introduced yourself to my parents, the first time you kissed me, our first fight (over some crazy cellphone,beer, motor keys and my so-called boyfriend) and our first long conversation (over some stupid fight I had with my guy classmate), I remember you laughed so loud when you heard about it. You were so annoying that time, you even suggested I should have kicked him! Creepy!
Oh! I remember that time when I mentioned to you about my blog? where I feature you as my first boyfriend? (you asked, not your first love?) I thought you'll get a little upset when you read one of my reader's comment, but instead, you just said, past is past. That we should just move on? It made me uncomfortable. I was not a good girlfriend and yet you remained friendly to me, even wanted to get back together. You never blamed me for anything. Not a single complain. Though, you always questioned me, "Why things never work out for us, Mai?" and I can't tell you that I'm not yet over with someone (though I'm really trying) and that made things harder for us. Gosh. I miss you :( 


Now you appeared in my dreams a few times asking me to forget about you? How could you?

Tell me. How can I ever forget such a wonderful guy like you? A guy who never get tired of me, my lame excuses and my childish tantrums. A guy who never fails to make me feel beautiful all the time. A guy who never fails to call me cute and pretty over the years (lie or joke, I don't care). A guy who never fails to take me out (usually) a week after my birthday. A guy who kisses me when he wins the game or either way, or when he's happy, sad or LATE! (or when caught ignoring my calls or messages) every time. I guy who hugs me when I'm mad, disappointed and bored, regardless of who's looking or where. A guy who made my name his password in his most love online game-MU. A guy who intently stares at me when I'm eating ice cream! Ugh! Shivering!

A guy who is indeed irreplaceable.

John, I miss you. Where are you?

I'm sorry if I broke you heart. :( 
I'm sorry if I never valued your feelings. If I never responded to every "I love you's" you uttered-that I will just smile every time you say that. If you only knew how handsome you are to me every time you speak those lines. You always mean what you say. That scares me those time. I was unprepared. Overwhelmed. Confused. Hesitant.
I'm sorry if I was too coward to fall for you (10years back) or to even let you know you that I cared. That I liked you. That I regretted every single chances I had to make it up with you. 
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not having the courage to apologize, to correct every wrong ideas I put into your head. To make you believed you're not worth it. The truth is, you were one of the best guy I've encountered so far. You're special and you'll always be, no matter how hardheaded you are =p
I'm sorry if I ignored you months ago. 
I'm sorry If I had to play "offline" in ym just to really avoid chatting with you :( I know you needed someone that time and I was being narrow minded. I'm sorry I had to change my password so you can't access my account, it was selfish of me to do that. I know you have no other intention with my account, that you just wanted to check your x gf's profile :( -since we're friends and she deleted you on her list of friends and you have no way of checking her but through me only :( Gosh. I didn't mean it to hurt you. I just wanted you to get over her like you wanted to. I'm sorry. Come back now please.

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